And today, I realized I've been living my life all wrong. I've always lived for others- lived for my parents' expectations, lived for my relatives' and friends' expectations, lived for society's expectations of me. And in the process, I lost myself. I never discovered the person I really was inside, and I never set her free. I do know who I am, who I want to be, but I suppress the real me because who I really am, I know the people who surround me daily will never approve. I thought it was okay to keep the real me hidden, but it's not okay. 21 years later, I've become what everyone expects me to be, who everyone expects me to be. And while I'm happy with what I am now, I'm not happy with who I am. I want to be confident. I want to be contented. I want to be healthier, both physically and mentally. And I realized today, that what's been stopping me from being me all along, is ME. I've allowed others to stop me from being ME, I've allowed others to trample all over me, I've allowed others to create who I ought to be according to their wishes. I let myself be the me today. My current destructive and depressed state is no one's doing, but mine. Because I allowed it to happen.

But no more. From today, I live only for God, and for myself. I'll do things that make me happy, I'll do things that I like. Obviously not at the expense of the happiness of the people who I love and care about, but where it really matters, I won't ever allow anyone to dictate how my life should be, or what I should do, or who I should be. I thought long and hard about things, and I think I know what I want to do with my life in general. I will be positive, and I will be strong about what I want. It's very hard to do all this, but I want positive change, so I'm going to do this. I believe in the Law of Attraction. I want to attract good things to myself, and that must start with me thinking positively. Good people attract good things, happy people attract happy things.

I will always think positively.
I will have confidence in myself as a person- in my character, skills, and abilities.
I am a good person, a unique being. And if you can't love and appreciate me for me, I'm sorry, that's not my fault. And if you let me go, that's your loss.
I will be happy because I have a good life. I am contented with myself, with my life, with what God has blessed me. And I am hugely grateful for the people that God has given me, and for the things that He has blessed me with.
I will strive to be a better person every day, to be good and to do good.

"When you really want something, the whole universe conspires to help you get it." And I know what I want, and I believe it will happen. I will work very hard for it, and I believe I will get it.

I know I will get it.

This summer's really flying by me.

I'm guessing all of you must be wondering what's up in my life for the past month, what's been happening that has kept me away from my little journal space here; well first things first: JR GOT PAROLED!!! :D:D:D He got a FI-5R, so right now he's at Havins Unit starting on his IPTC program. I haven't heard from him since he moved, but based on what his mom says, he seems to have settled in just fine and is doing well in the program. His official start date is 8th August, and that makes his official end date 8th February. Whether he has to go to a halfway house or not after that is still up for review, but hopefully he doesn't have to and he can come straight home. We're looking at, earliest, a mid-Feb release, but no later than March. So we'll see how things go. God has blessed us greatly in this though, and we are truly very grateful for this blessing.

Another great blessing in my life this past month is that my dad, whose nose cancer recently relapsed, underwent successful surgery to remove the tumor in his ethmoid sinus, and for now his cancer is in remission. Aside from a bout of eye infection which occurred a couple of days after his surgery, my dad has since recovered fully, and is back to normal again. I'm very thankful for that, I'm very thankful that everything went well and my dad has recovered. So really, my two main worries this summer- Jr's parole and my dad's cancer- both ended in good outcomes, and I thank God for his blessings.

I had a wisdom tooth surgery today; my lower right wisdom tooth's been giving me problems over the past few weeks and so yesterday I went to see a dentist and today he scheduled me for a surgery. It went pretty alright, aside from eating difficulties and the constant swallowing of blood from the surgery wound, I'm feeling okay. The next few days will get worse before they get better though, so I'm mentally preparing myself for tomorrow. Wish me luck!

I'm going back to school in about 2 weeks time, I am NOT looking forward to it -.- Despite repeated attempts to slowly start back studying up, I have failed miserably in my noble idealism that I could actually muster the motivation to read anything remotely medical-related during the summer. I swear I'm on the pathway to becoming a med-school dropout. I'm not made of the stuff fine clinicians/para-clinicians/surgeons are made of. I'm a complete bum, lol. But time passes still, so I guess there's no point in me moaning and dreading what is inevitable. So HELL YEAH, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE START OF THE NEW SEMESTER! Even though it's gonna be sucky.

I need to go buy my school books lol. I just remembered that, haha.

Labels: back to school, daddy's surgery, jr's parole, new school books, wisdom tooth extraction

Hello, I'm Mylene.

I love God, my family, my close friends, chocolate, Nutella, Nugatti, yam paste, Nonya kueh, baking, desserts, crunchy peanut butter, trying out new food places, books, travelling, airplane food, snail mail, vintage anything, medicine, wearing blood-red clothes, The Desiderata, stickers, hearts, making cards and origami, watching comedies, reading mystery/detective novels, playing mystery/detective games, mocha, yoghurt with fruits and muesli, dogs, quirky bags, soft & fluffy towels, pretty lingerie, Christmas, heels I cannot walk in, polka dots, smiles.

I try not to hate on anyone or anything because it's a waste of my time and energy. If I don't like it, I'll either try to change it or just ignore it.

I'm trying to live my life to the fullest, and be the best person that I can be.