ME
Yesterday, after we collected our PW results, a friend of mine (whom we shall just call Q) started crying, because she hadn't gotten an A. And in that overwrought state that she was in, she spat bitterly, "This school has always let me down."
Perhaps some of you may view it as a purely irrational comment stemmed from disappointment and anger, but because I've known her since PAE till now and everything in between, I found myself agreeing with her on 2 things: (1) this school has let her down, and (2) this school has let me down too.
Maybe I'll run into trouble with the school authorities for seemingly 'defaming' the school, but then again, what I'm about to write has been repeated many times over blogs, forums etc that should they want to sue me, they will have to sue at least a thousand more others whose sentiments I'm merely echoing.
For the whole of yesterday, after I came back home from school, my mind kept replaying her words , "This school has always let me down." For some reason, it impacted me in more ways than I care to think about. Her words kept replaying in my mind so many times that I felt compelled to ask myself, "Why?" And so I started thinking.
When I first entered my school, I felt like I had stepped into a fairytale: Life just seemed so magical. It was a surreal experience, and for the first time in my life, I actually enjoyed going to school. I actually loved it so much so that, after my 'O' Levels results came out, I chose not to go to the greener (literally) side, even though my results would have made me a shoo-in for that school. I fought with my parents to let me stay. I had truly believed I had made the right choice.
Now, one year later, I find myself asking, had I really made the right choice? Because after those magical moments, it seemed like a veil was suddenly removed and the real side of the school came out. In my darkest of moments, when I'm locked up in my room crying my heart out, I sometimes curse myself for having been so naive and foolish, for not having chosen the other school. How could I have been so blind?
I have such rubbish teachers (save for my chemistry teacher, who is really God's gift to the class) because the school has given the better ones to the IPs; a school administration that doesn't work effectively and efficiently to solve the most basal of school problems (class projectors that don't work, clocks that read the wrong times etc despite repeated feedback from the student body), the school's unprioritised way of spending money (tearing out the floor tiles and replacing them with new ones just so that they will match this new sculpture; creating mega windows in the classrooms just so everyone can see the "cute kids"; all these money could have been used to buy new and advanced projectors and clocks, thank you very much). These, and a whole lot more problems that have plagued me since, were why I was so affected by Q's words. Maybe it's just me. I don't know. But I felt like the school loves creating illusions to lure unsuspecting students and then reveal their true nature after the students have been safely trapped. I know, cause I was one of those unsuspecting ones.
The school has let me down in so many ways, and I can recall the numerous incidents when I have felt disappointed by what I thought was but actually wasn't. I felt for Q when she said that sentence, because I understood where her feelings stem from. And I felt angry a the school, because of the unhappiness that they have caused so many of us. How can they be so BLIND as to not see that their own students are unhappy with the way they are running the school? Why do they keep ignoring our comments and coming up with nonsensical rebuttals to try to argue their case? Do they take us for idiots who cannot see what is really happening?
I'm desperately unhappy. Sometimes, it seems so far away, the feeling that I was happy to come to school everyday. So far so that I sometimes question myself, "How the hell did you ever felt that way?" I want to get out of this place. I want to do well for my 'A's and quickly flip to the next chapter in the Book of Life. It's too late for regrets now. I can only move ahead.
If you see this, and feel compel to complain about me, go ahead and make my day. Send me to a counsellor too, if you want. But I haven't told a single lie in this post.
<♥>
Hello, my name is Mylene.
Screams
Friday, April 10, 2009
I know I must take full advantage of today to study, but for some reason, I can't seem to bring myself up to the task of completing all my undone homework. Something is bothering me, so I guess I shall rant it out here (after all, that's what a blog is for, right?)Yesterday, after we collected our PW results, a friend of mine (whom we shall just call Q) started crying, because she hadn't gotten an A. And in that overwrought state that she was in, she spat bitterly, "This school has always let me down."
Perhaps some of you may view it as a purely irrational comment stemmed from disappointment and anger, but because I've known her since PAE till now and everything in between, I found myself agreeing with her on 2 things: (1) this school has let her down, and (2) this school has let me down too.
Maybe I'll run into trouble with the school authorities for seemingly 'defaming' the school, but then again, what I'm about to write has been repeated many times over blogs, forums etc that should they want to sue me, they will have to sue at least a thousand more others whose sentiments I'm merely echoing.
For the whole of yesterday, after I came back home from school, my mind kept replaying her words , "This school has always let me down." For some reason, it impacted me in more ways than I care to think about. Her words kept replaying in my mind so many times that I felt compelled to ask myself, "Why?" And so I started thinking.
When I first entered my school, I felt like I had stepped into a fairytale: Life just seemed so magical. It was a surreal experience, and for the first time in my life, I actually enjoyed going to school. I actually loved it so much so that, after my 'O' Levels results came out, I chose not to go to the greener (literally) side, even though my results would have made me a shoo-in for that school. I fought with my parents to let me stay. I had truly believed I had made the right choice.
Now, one year later, I find myself asking, had I really made the right choice? Because after those magical moments, it seemed like a veil was suddenly removed and the real side of the school came out. In my darkest of moments, when I'm locked up in my room crying my heart out, I sometimes curse myself for having been so naive and foolish, for not having chosen the other school. How could I have been so blind?
I have such rubbish teachers (save for my chemistry teacher, who is really God's gift to the class) because the school has given the better ones to the IPs; a school administration that doesn't work effectively and efficiently to solve the most basal of school problems (class projectors that don't work, clocks that read the wrong times etc despite repeated feedback from the student body), the school's unprioritised way of spending money (tearing out the floor tiles and replacing them with new ones just so that they will match this new sculpture; creating mega windows in the classrooms just so everyone can see the "cute kids"; all these money could have been used to buy new and advanced projectors and clocks, thank you very much). These, and a whole lot more problems that have plagued me since, were why I was so affected by Q's words. Maybe it's just me. I don't know. But I felt like the school loves creating illusions to lure unsuspecting students and then reveal their true nature after the students have been safely trapped. I know, cause I was one of those unsuspecting ones.
The school has let me down in so many ways, and I can recall the numerous incidents when I have felt disappointed by what I thought was but actually wasn't. I felt for Q when she said that sentence, because I understood where her feelings stem from. And I felt angry a the school, because of the unhappiness that they have caused so many of us. How can they be so BLIND as to not see that their own students are unhappy with the way they are running the school? Why do they keep ignoring our comments and coming up with nonsensical rebuttals to try to argue their case? Do they take us for idiots who cannot see what is really happening?
I'm desperately unhappy. Sometimes, it seems so far away, the feeling that I was happy to come to school everyday. So far so that I sometimes question myself, "How the hell did you ever felt that way?" I want to get out of this place. I want to do well for my 'A's and quickly flip to the next chapter in the Book of Life. It's too late for regrets now. I can only move ahead.
If you see this, and feel compel to complain about me, go ahead and make my day. Send me to a counsellor too, if you want. But I haven't told a single lie in this post.