ME
Do you really accept them for who they seem to be?
Or do you try to discover their other faces?
I've taken to blog/livejournal/xanga/whatchamacallits surfing recently, and I've to admit that I was stunned by what I discovered. The crazy clown I know morphed into a depressed, troubled soul online. That cheerful, happy-go-lucky persona so convincingly portrayed crumbled into a pile of tears, angst and hopelessness on the web page. And sometimes I am genuinely shocked that what I knew of a person wasn't who he/she is. And then I realised that if only I had looked a little harder, I could have been the signs.
The signs of a troubled soul.
As I look back on my interactions with these people, it surprised me how I could have been so blind. And foolish. That I failed to recognise depression when I saw it. That I failed to see how troubled that person was. Sure, the signs weren't glaringly obvious, but they were THERE. The once sunny smile became dimmer as the days went passed; the stoning and staring into empty spaces became more frequent; the bright eyes lost their sparkle.
All these shouldn't surprise me though. For much as I hate to admit it, I guess what stunned me most was the fact that they all sounded like me.
The happy face put on was to put others at ease. I didn't want to add to their troubles by giving them mine. And the only way to do so was to hide them. So I hid. Yet at the same time, I could feel myself sinking into despair as the troubles accumulated rather than receded. It was like sinking into quicksand. The more you fought it, the deeper you sank. It was horrible. Thankfully I'm past that now. But I don't know how to help these people. And I don't think they would want my help.
Online diaries have helped me understand a lot of people better I guess. After all, they are one of the better sources for understanding a person's true feelings. They were an outlet for venting one's frustrations and anger; to try to put into words one's emotions as aptly as one could, in all rawness and unabashedness.
Why do you think I'm such a kaypoh queen, always meddling with so many people's affairs? I have only one objective: to try to discover the many faces of a person. It intrigues me. I want to find out the "who" of a person, and not the "what", which can be so easily found.
Do I sound silly? Maybe I am. I guess that's one of my faces too.
I'm glad I can finally let you go. The emotional roller coaster ride you put me on has tire me. I want to stop now. Why don't I feel even a sense of remorse? Or unhappiness? Can it be because I never even really liked you in the first place?
My own heart stupifies me sometimes.
my left cheek, so the whole
thing's like red and bumpy.
It doesn't help that it's been
itching really badly, so the
entire day I was like slapping
my cheek just so that I won't
scratch. I must have looked
really weird. Anyway, today
was kinda FUN:) After chem
lecture I went to mug for
awhile in the library before
getting chased out. So I made
my way to the oasis and I
somehow found myself in a
CPU meeting! And haha
they were discussing
their workplan and somehow
the topics discussed went
really wild and dirty!!! And
I love this kind of meetings!
Haha CPU's got really horny
guys:D I actually kinda regret not
being the EXCO in charge
of CPU:/ I actually missed
one whole hour of chem
tutorial just so that I can
yak with them! But it was
worth it lah:)
YLTC talk was BOR-RING!
And someone made me
really gross out todayXp
total blast:) Thank you invest comm!
Minor hiccups were inevitable, but
on the whole it went very smoothly
and the only thing that was
disatisfiable in my opinion was that
there was too little time for
phototaking! They should give us
at least until after lunch before
we return to lessons! But I really
enjoyed invest:D
Now that Term 2 has come to an end,
it also means that I've been in NJ for
half a year already. One and a half
more to go! But these past 6 months
have really changed me and I've
experienced alot of things that I
normally wouldn't have the chance
to, and most of it is (noXD) thanks to
Council. But I've really enjoyed
myself these past 6 months and I
don't think I will change anything.
I guess the only thing I will change
is me. I've done alot of things that,
on hindsight, I shouldn't have
done and I feel really remorseful for
the way I acted in those
situations. I vow to be a better
person in Term 3! I have to be...
I'm officially a councillor now, which
means no more fooling around:(
The diamond-shaped badge will
give me away.
CTs are coming which I will sooo
screw up. How am I supposed
to be eligible for H3 at the rate
that I'm going?:/
unexpected surprises; some twist
of events that just leaves you
completely dumbstruck when
you turn around and look back
on the things that have happened
to you. This is exactly how I feel
like now, at this point in time. I
am still in awe over what has happened
to me these past 4 months. FOUR
months and I feel like I've been
in NJ for years. So much has
happened. To start it all, I never
envisioned myself to be in NJC.
Right from the start it was RJ
all the way. My dream junior
college, located at a mere 2
bus stops away from my house.
And with an overall L1R5 of
4 for my prelims, RJC seemed
to dwell like a dream about to
come true. Then reality had to
strike me with a cruel blow;
I couldn't get into RJ even after
appealing. Like I said, NJC was
never where I envisioned myself
to be. Crushed though I was
intially, I slowly realised that
the Good Lord up there sent
me to NJ for a reason. Several
in fact, too long to explain it all,
and I won't elaborate, but really,
I am thankful for His wise
judgement and grateful that He
has placed me here, because
I won't be what and who I am
now if I were to be posted to some
other JC for JAE. Then, when I
picked up the application form
to run for Student Council, I was
adamant that I would get into
Terra HAT (ask me why personally;
it's a weird reason and I'm sure
that many of you already know).
Be it House Captain or not, I
just wanted a place in HAT because
I felt that my personality was
more suitable for HAT than
any other committees. But then
Terra HAT became the most
competitive committee to
run for, with the most number
of candidates vying for a place
in there, and I admit that I got
a little disheartened especially
after all the rumours that circulated
that seemed to suggest that
Ziyi was already 100%-guarantee
-plus-chop-get Terra House Captain
and that he had already chosen
someone in mind to be in his team;
and none of it all seemed to suggest
that I would have a place in the
team. So I did something that
(admittedly) surprised many;
I decided to run for Honourary
Treasurer. Yup, a post that nobody
can envision the super enthu,
uber chatty, loud and noisy
Mylene Lim in. Muahaha but then
again He decided to spring yet
another surprise on me, and I
got the post. HONOURARY
TREASURER. Till today, I
still can't believe I'm a
treasurer. Yikes. Better
get use to it though. Such
a foreign word to me. Never
mind, I will still continue to
support Terra HAT!
Yup, so ultimately, I did choose
to give up my chance to be in
HAT. It was a risk I took, and
I'm glad that at least, from
a certain aspect, it did pay
off. I will continue rah-rahhing
and I will be the noisiest
Treasurer NJCSC has ever
had!:)
Thank you to all those who have
constantly supported, guided
and encouraged me, all the
way from the day I picked
up my form up till now. There
are just too many of you, but
rest assure that each and
every single one of you
are remembered. You guys
believed in me even when
I distrust myself. Thank you.
<♥>
Hello, my name is Mylene.
Screams
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Do you really take people based on what you can see?Do you really accept them for who they seem to be?
Or do you try to discover their other faces?
I've taken to blog/livejournal/xanga/whatchamacallits surfing recently, and I've to admit that I was stunned by what I discovered. The crazy clown I know morphed into a depressed, troubled soul online. That cheerful, happy-go-lucky persona so convincingly portrayed crumbled into a pile of tears, angst and hopelessness on the web page. And sometimes I am genuinely shocked that what I knew of a person wasn't who he/she is. And then I realised that if only I had looked a little harder, I could have been the signs.
The signs of a troubled soul.
As I look back on my interactions with these people, it surprised me how I could have been so blind. And foolish. That I failed to recognise depression when I saw it. That I failed to see how troubled that person was. Sure, the signs weren't glaringly obvious, but they were THERE. The once sunny smile became dimmer as the days went passed; the stoning and staring into empty spaces became more frequent; the bright eyes lost their sparkle.
All these shouldn't surprise me though. For much as I hate to admit it, I guess what stunned me most was the fact that they all sounded like me.
The happy face put on was to put others at ease. I didn't want to add to their troubles by giving them mine. And the only way to do so was to hide them. So I hid. Yet at the same time, I could feel myself sinking into despair as the troubles accumulated rather than receded. It was like sinking into quicksand. The more you fought it, the deeper you sank. It was horrible. Thankfully I'm past that now. But I don't know how to help these people. And I don't think they would want my help.
Online diaries have helped me understand a lot of people better I guess. After all, they are one of the better sources for understanding a person's true feelings. They were an outlet for venting one's frustrations and anger; to try to put into words one's emotions as aptly as one could, in all rawness and unabashedness.
Why do you think I'm such a kaypoh queen, always meddling with so many people's affairs? I have only one objective: to try to discover the many faces of a person. It intrigues me. I want to find out the "who" of a person, and not the "what", which can be so easily found.
Do I sound silly? Maybe I am. I guess that's one of my faces too.
I'm glad I can finally let you go. The emotional roller coaster ride you put me on has tire me. I want to stop now. Why don't I feel even a sense of remorse? Or unhappiness? Can it be because I never even really liked you in the first place?
My own heart stupifies me sometimes.
Monday, May 26, 2008
I've got a nasty, itchy rash onmy left cheek, so the whole
thing's like red and bumpy.
It doesn't help that it's been
itching really badly, so the
entire day I was like slapping
my cheek just so that I won't
scratch. I must have looked
really weird. Anyway, today
was kinda FUN:) After chem
lecture I went to mug for
awhile in the library before
getting chased out. So I made
my way to the oasis and I
somehow found myself in a
CPU meeting! And haha
they were discussing
their workplan and somehow
the topics discussed went
really wild and dirty!!! And
I love this kind of meetings!
Haha CPU's got really horny
guys:D I actually kinda regret not
being the EXCO in charge
of CPU:/ I actually missed
one whole hour of chem
tutorial just so that I can
yak with them! But it was
worth it lah:)
YLTC talk was BOR-RING!
And someone made me
really gross out todayXp
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Yay investiture yesterday was atotal blast:) Thank you invest comm!
Minor hiccups were inevitable, but
on the whole it went very smoothly
and the only thing that was
disatisfiable in my opinion was that
there was too little time for
phototaking! They should give us
at least until after lunch before
we return to lessons! But I really
enjoyed invest:D
Now that Term 2 has come to an end,
it also means that I've been in NJ for
half a year already. One and a half
more to go! But these past 6 months
have really changed me and I've
experienced alot of things that I
normally wouldn't have the chance
to, and most of it is (noXD) thanks to
Council. But I've really enjoyed
myself these past 6 months and I
don't think I will change anything.
I guess the only thing I will change
is me. I've done alot of things that,
on hindsight, I shouldn't have
done and I feel really remorseful for
the way I acted in those
situations. I vow to be a better
person in Term 3! I have to be...
I'm officially a councillor now, which
means no more fooling around:(
The diamond-shaped badge will
give me away.
CTs are coming which I will sooo
screw up. How am I supposed
to be eligible for H3 at the rate
that I'm going?:/
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Life always throws you someunexpected surprises; some twist
of events that just leaves you
completely dumbstruck when
you turn around and look back
on the things that have happened
to you. This is exactly how I feel
like now, at this point in time. I
am still in awe over what has happened
to me these past 4 months. FOUR
months and I feel like I've been
in NJ for years. So much has
happened. To start it all, I never
envisioned myself to be in NJC.
Right from the start it was RJ
all the way. My dream junior
college, located at a mere 2
bus stops away from my house.
And with an overall L1R5 of
4 for my prelims, RJC seemed
to dwell like a dream about to
come true. Then reality had to
strike me with a cruel blow;
I couldn't get into RJ even after
appealing. Like I said, NJC was
never where I envisioned myself
to be. Crushed though I was
intially, I slowly realised that
the Good Lord up there sent
me to NJ for a reason. Several
in fact, too long to explain it all,
and I won't elaborate, but really,
I am thankful for His wise
judgement and grateful that He
has placed me here, because
I won't be what and who I am
now if I were to be posted to some
other JC for JAE. Then, when I
picked up the application form
to run for Student Council, I was
adamant that I would get into
Terra HAT (ask me why personally;
it's a weird reason and I'm sure
that many of you already know).
Be it House Captain or not, I
just wanted a place in HAT because
I felt that my personality was
more suitable for HAT than
any other committees. But then
Terra HAT became the most
competitive committee to
run for, with the most number
of candidates vying for a place
in there, and I admit that I got
a little disheartened especially
after all the rumours that circulated
that seemed to suggest that
Ziyi was already 100%-guarantee
-plus-chop-get Terra House Captain
and that he had already chosen
someone in mind to be in his team;
and none of it all seemed to suggest
that I would have a place in the
team. So I did something that
(admittedly) surprised many;
I decided to run for Honourary
Treasurer. Yup, a post that nobody
can envision the super enthu,
uber chatty, loud and noisy
Mylene Lim in. Muahaha but then
again He decided to spring yet
another surprise on me, and I
got the post. HONOURARY
TREASURER. Till today, I
still can't believe I'm a
treasurer. Yikes. Better
get use to it though. Such
a foreign word to me. Never
mind, I will still continue to
support Terra HAT!
Yup, so ultimately, I did choose
to give up my chance to be in
HAT. It was a risk I took, and
I'm glad that at least, from
a certain aspect, it did pay
off. I will continue rah-rahhing
and I will be the noisiest
Treasurer NJCSC has ever
had!:)
Thank you to all those who have
constantly supported, guided
and encouraged me, all the
way from the day I picked
up my form up till now. There
are just too many of you, but
rest assure that each and
every single one of you
are remembered. You guys
believed in me even when
I distrust myself. Thank you.