ME
be someone that Im not. This
whole pretending is killing me.
When will I ever learn that I
can never be clique material?
It's like, they are this whole
clique and Im just trying to
be a part of them. I think
only marmy understands
how I feel since she's like
the only person I really
talk to. Recluses in disguise.
How can I tell him that what
he discriminates against is
exactly what and who I was
and am probably still am?
That what he says always
hurts me. He will never
know I guess, because
I dont think I will ever
tell him. And they are
all together with him
in this thing. I should
just stick to my comfort
zone. I shouldnt try to bite
off more than I can chew.
Is this whole thing really
worth the pain and
insecurity that plagues me
every single day? The
worthlessness and pathetic
feelings I experience....
maybe Im just fooling
myself. Im just letting
myself fall into heartache.
I thank the Lord that I can continue to
remain on in NJC. I hope that 08Sll can
stay...unless they choose to leave, of course.
I knew the dangers of emotional
attachment, be it to someone or
something. You run the risk of
getting yourself hurt. Badly. Maybe
that's why all these years I've never
really trusted anyone, because I
dont want to be emotionally tied
down to that person. I hated being
vulnerable. And now I'm
repeating history again. I'm giving
too much of myself to 08S11. Like
slightly more than a month ago I
was very disappointed that I
couldnt get into RJC; NJC was
never where I envisioned myself
to be. Now, I cant bear to leave this
place. I dont know what I will do
if I cant get back into this school.
I will move on, but I guess it will
be very hard. I want 08S11 to
STAY, just the way it is now. I want
TERRA. I want my current life to
stay. Which is why I am
awaiting my results with such
dread. Really, come what may I
will accept it, but unless it is
the way I want it then it will
be difficult. I guess I can only
hope for the best but prepare
for the worst.
made my bdae very special! Thanks
08S11 for celebrating it with me;
Geraldine for the yummy cake;
Cheryl Heng for your present;
Joy for specially coming to nj to
see me; and all those who wished
me Happy Birthday! Thank you ppl!
I love you guys! (Quick give me e photos!)
Sparks was quite alright; I didnt
know it was today if not I would
have studied for it or something!
It was alright; me and Jie NING:)
were like tikam-ing the answers
for the pen and paper section, but
she was so much more smarter esp
during the physics component! Then
the RFID was rough and I kena
pushed, shoved and scratched.
And no thanks to the same CHEENA
boy who not only contributed to
most of my injuries but he also
pushed me down during the running lah!
Idiotic over-competitive @%!#@&*!
And the B grp rocked coz their solar
thingy managed to move! Woo!
THANK YOU MY LOVELY ANGEL
FOR THE BOX OF CHOCOLATES!
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT
COZ I LOVE CHOCOLATES!
I think my angel knows me coz
guys dont usually give chocolates
to mo sheng girls right?
I will look like a whale once Im
thru with the chocs.
Lucky I ran 7 rounds during PE.
Make up for all the calories!
SUPER SEVENTEEN! This yr will be
a lil sad since no one can celebrate it
with me in sch:( unlike last yr. Still,
may I be a wiser, luckier and better
person this time round!
NJC seriously needs to do something
about the synthetic black rubber-like
thingy on the field. The grass is fake;
is there a need for fake soil too?!! I
spent an entire hour digging that shit
out of the soles of my shoes yesterday
and trust me, it was NOT a pleasant
experience. It made a mess out of
my legs, socks and shoes during
war games. Get rid of that stuff
please!
156 was VERY VERY slow to arrive
today, and I fell asleep on the bus
home. Very unglam, since I'm
known to drool while I sleep. Then
even more unglam: I awoke with
a jolt to realise that the bus had
arrive at my stop, and I frantically
stabbed the button repeatedly to
ring the bell, and so the bell rang
THRICE and everyone was looking
at me as I jumped out of my seat
and dashed off the bus. UGGH.
I ran all the way home in horror.
And I had my first official afternoon
nap on a school day today! Afternoon
naps were a staple during my
secondary school years, so yeah!
Reliving nostalgic memories!
I think I have to stop here coz
I suddenly remembered that I
have chem homework. YUCKS.
And you, my irritating MSP
classmate can u stop speaking
malay to me??!!
DONT WANT to start lessons. Bleah.
My thighs are aching really bad; I cant
even walk properly. And my shoulder
blade still hurts! Yesterday's dance
party was wild, but really, it's totally
not my scene. Like ppl were
gyrating their hips and stuff like
that and I was moving like a block
of wood. I dont think I will be like,
a clubber or something. I dont
drink and I cant dance. I'll
probably embarrass myself only.
Went stargazing and gossiping
coz it was so HOT literally in the hall.
Then went crazy and 'patriotic' and
started shouting tyraz cheers tgt with
Geri, HK, SW, TT and J! WOO!
Timetable sucks; I will spend most of
the time in school slacking and stoning.
Lucky no PE; PE seems to comprise
largely of running, an activity that
does NOT rank favourably on my list.
Good luck Joy! Teehee:)
Woohoo~ It's been killer, and I've nv stayed back in school
for so long b4. I MISS MY AFTERNOON NAPS! I miss SNGS! I miss
my friends! Everything here in njc is totally out of the
comfort zone that I've immersed myself in for the past
4 years. The food is so expensiveX/ Anyway looking forward
to tomorrow when I can go back to st nicks! I'm such a
noisy person but during the past few days the amount of
words that I said in a day would have put Mylene Lim of
2007 to shame. I hate the fitting-in part of school, when
you are not sure that you will find people who are
willing to talk to and hang out with you. I always
feel very insecure, so out-of-place when I see groups
of people laughing together and I'm alone there. Maybe
I shouldn't change jc because then I'll have to redo
this entire orientation-fitting in part. *shudders*
And, I got into KI, which was like such a surprise,
so chances are I wont change cause I dont wanna
take another selection test again. It was HORRIBLE.
I'm seriously starting to think that I'm biting off
more than I can chew here. Like, "Above all else, the
mathematician is objective. Discuss." WTH??!! I wont
know how to answer lah!
P.S OMG LAH ONE OF THE GIRLS IN MY ORIENTATION GROUP
HAS A CRUSH ON AN OGL! GO FIGURE.
(I WONT SAY WHO THEY BOTH ARE)
<♥>
Hello, my name is Mylene.
Screams
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Im so sick and tired of trying tobe someone that Im not. This
whole pretending is killing me.
When will I ever learn that I
can never be clique material?
It's like, they are this whole
clique and Im just trying to
be a part of them. I think
only marmy understands
how I feel since she's like
the only person I really
talk to. Recluses in disguise.
How can I tell him that what
he discriminates against is
exactly what and who I was
and am probably still am?
That what he says always
hurts me. He will never
know I guess, because
I dont think I will ever
tell him. And they are
all together with him
in this thing. I should
just stick to my comfort
zone. I shouldnt try to bite
off more than I can chew.
Is this whole thing really
worth the pain and
insecurity that plagues me
every single day? The
worthlessness and pathetic
feelings I experience....
maybe Im just fooling
myself. Im just letting
myself fall into heartache.
Friday, January 25, 2008
So yeah, I've gotten back my results, andI thank the Lord that I can continue to
remain on in NJC. I hope that 08Sll can
stay...unless they choose to leave, of course.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Ever since that incident 7 years ago,I knew the dangers of emotional
attachment, be it to someone or
something. You run the risk of
getting yourself hurt. Badly. Maybe
that's why all these years I've never
really trusted anyone, because I
dont want to be emotionally tied
down to that person. I hated being
vulnerable. And now I'm
repeating history again. I'm giving
too much of myself to 08S11. Like
slightly more than a month ago I
was very disappointed that I
couldnt get into RJC; NJC was
never where I envisioned myself
to be. Now, I cant bear to leave this
place. I dont know what I will do
if I cant get back into this school.
I will move on, but I guess it will
be very hard. I want 08S11 to
STAY, just the way it is now. I want
TERRA. I want my current life to
stay. Which is why I am
awaiting my results with such
dread. Really, come what may I
will accept it, but unless it is
the way I want it then it will
be difficult. I guess I can only
hope for the best but prepare
for the worst.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Yayness thank you to all those whomade my bdae very special! Thanks
08S11 for celebrating it with me;
Geraldine for the yummy cake;
Cheryl Heng for your present;
Joy for specially coming to nj to
see me; and all those who wished
me Happy Birthday! Thank you ppl!
I love you guys! (Quick give me e photos!)
Sparks was quite alright; I didnt
know it was today if not I would
have studied for it or something!
It was alright; me and Jie NING:)
were like tikam-ing the answers
for the pen and paper section, but
she was so much more smarter esp
during the physics component! Then
the RFID was rough and I kena
pushed, shoved and scratched.
And no thanks to the same CHEENA
boy who not only contributed to
most of my injuries but he also
pushed me down during the running lah!
Idiotic over-competitive @%!#@&*!
And the B grp rocked coz their solar
thingy managed to move! Woo!
THANK YOU MY LOVELY ANGEL
FOR THE BOX OF CHOCOLATES!
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT
COZ I LOVE CHOCOLATES!
I think my angel knows me coz
guys dont usually give chocolates
to mo sheng girls right?
I will look like a whale once Im
thru with the chocs.
Lucky I ran 7 rounds during PE.
Make up for all the calories!
Monday, January 14, 2008
Yeah in less than 3 hrs time I will beSUPER SEVENTEEN! This yr will be
a lil sad since no one can celebrate it
with me in sch:( unlike last yr. Still,
may I be a wiser, luckier and better
person this time round!
NJC seriously needs to do something
about the synthetic black rubber-like
thingy on the field. The grass is fake;
is there a need for fake soil too?!! I
spent an entire hour digging that shit
out of the soles of my shoes yesterday
and trust me, it was NOT a pleasant
experience. It made a mess out of
my legs, socks and shoes during
war games. Get rid of that stuff
please!
156 was VERY VERY slow to arrive
today, and I fell asleep on the bus
home. Very unglam, since I'm
known to drool while I sleep. Then
even more unglam: I awoke with
a jolt to realise that the bus had
arrive at my stop, and I frantically
stabbed the button repeatedly to
ring the bell, and so the bell rang
THRICE and everyone was looking
at me as I jumped out of my seat
and dashed off the bus. UGGH.
I ran all the way home in horror.
And I had my first official afternoon
nap on a school day today! Afternoon
naps were a staple during my
secondary school years, so yeah!
Reliving nostalgic memories!
I think I have to stop here coz
I suddenly remembered that I
have chem homework. YUCKS.
And you, my irritating MSP
classmate can u stop speaking
malay to me??!!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Orientation is officially over...and IDONT WANT to start lessons. Bleah.
My thighs are aching really bad; I cant
even walk properly. And my shoulder
blade still hurts! Yesterday's dance
party was wild, but really, it's totally
not my scene. Like ppl were
gyrating their hips and stuff like
that and I was moving like a block
of wood. I dont think I will be like,
a clubber or something. I dont
drink and I cant dance. I'll
probably embarrass myself only.
Went stargazing and gossiping
coz it was so HOT literally in the hall.
Then went crazy and 'patriotic' and
started shouting tyraz cheers tgt with
Geri, HK, SW, TT and J! WOO!
Timetable sucks; I will spend most of
the time in school slacking and stoning.
Lucky no PE; PE seems to comprise
largely of running, an activity that
does NOT rank favourably on my list.
Good luck Joy! Teehee:)
Friday, January 04, 2008
OKAYY so I've managed to successfully complete 3 days of JC!Woohoo~ It's been killer, and I've nv stayed back in school
for so long b4. I MISS MY AFTERNOON NAPS! I miss SNGS! I miss
my friends! Everything here in njc is totally out of the
comfort zone that I've immersed myself in for the past
4 years. The food is so expensiveX/ Anyway looking forward
to tomorrow when I can go back to st nicks! I'm such a
noisy person but during the past few days the amount of
words that I said in a day would have put Mylene Lim of
2007 to shame. I hate the fitting-in part of school, when
you are not sure that you will find people who are
willing to talk to and hang out with you. I always
feel very insecure, so out-of-place when I see groups
of people laughing together and I'm alone there. Maybe
I shouldn't change jc because then I'll have to redo
this entire orientation-fitting in part. *shudders*
And, I got into KI, which was like such a surprise,
so chances are I wont change cause I dont wanna
take another selection test again. It was HORRIBLE.
I'm seriously starting to think that I'm biting off
more than I can chew here. Like, "Above all else, the
mathematician is objective. Discuss." WTH??!! I wont
know how to answer lah!
P.S OMG LAH ONE OF THE GIRLS IN MY ORIENTATION GROUP
HAS A CRUSH ON AN OGL! GO FIGURE.
(I WONT SAY WHO THEY BOTH ARE)