ME
You can always say that I can give up. Then I wouldn't be suffering the way I am now. It's easy for me to just give it all up, to forget about a guy whom I've never met or talked to before. To just stop writing to him and disappear, and he has no way of finding me. And many times I wonder what would happen if I just walk away from him. I'm not going to lie, there have been times when it just gets too much for me, when the loneliness and the thought of all the obstacles that stand in between us just gets too much for me to bear, and I feel like giving up and just walking away from him. Sometimes I think I can't take it anymore, I feel like just breaking down and giving it all up. And then what? I'd lose the love of my life. I don't think anybody can fathom the depth of the feelings that I have for him. It's crazy, and even I think I'm crazy, but I've never held feelings for anyone before like I do for him. There's something far beyond my understanding, something almost extrasensory, something borne from the very deepest depths of my heart, that tells me that all this is right. Everything just fell into place for us to meet, and the circumstances were all just too right for it to just have been a coincidence.
They say falling in love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting that he/she won't ever use it. But when you love someone so deeply and intensely, in that tiny corner of your heart, there will always exist the fear that someday the other person will just walk away from you and leave you with nothing but your broken heart. I don't care about that person who said that it isn't true love if that insecurity exists- it must have been a guy who said that, because all women WILL always fear. They trust that it won't happen, they hope that it won't happen, they believe that like it won't happen. But that doesn't mean that they don't (in however tiny a bit) fear that someday it might happen, for whatever reasons. Maybe it's the same for men too, but I won't speak for them, because I'm not one.
No matter how many times he placates me, I always fear that one day, Jr will leave me. It doesn't matter what and how many times he says it, there still exists that part of me that fears that he'll give up on and walk away from us. I tell myself that it'll be his loss if that ever happens, but it's not so easy, it's not so simple. I love him too deeply to just brush him aside, to just forget about us.
If one day he REALLY does leave me, will I ever regret loving him? Will I ever regret us? The answer is NO, I won't. You can't regret something that you once wanted very much with all your heart. Of course I want everything to work out between us; after everything that we've been through together, I really hope and pray that it does. But this is life, and like everything (relationships or otherwise) in life, anything can happen. If things really don't work out between us, I won't ever regret doing all this, because for that once in my life, I fell in love with an amazing, wonderful guy who loved me back for who I am, who I can be real with, who's taught me so much about life and opened up my eyes to so many things. Jr changed me, he's the reason I've grown, matured, and am finally ready to be an adult.
Like that famous dog philosophy, "Chase what excites you, even if you don't always get it in the end".
<♥>
Hello, my name is Mylene.
Screams
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Sometimes I wonder what I did in my past life that caused me to have to undergo all this agony when I fall in love. When I walk down the streets and I look at couples together, when I hear stories of people who fell in love with classmates, colleagues etc, I always wonder, "Why not me?" Why the hell do I have to go through so much shit when I fall in love?You can always say that I can give up. Then I wouldn't be suffering the way I am now. It's easy for me to just give it all up, to forget about a guy whom I've never met or talked to before. To just stop writing to him and disappear, and he has no way of finding me. And many times I wonder what would happen if I just walk away from him. I'm not going to lie, there have been times when it just gets too much for me, when the loneliness and the thought of all the obstacles that stand in between us just gets too much for me to bear, and I feel like giving up and just walking away from him. Sometimes I think I can't take it anymore, I feel like just breaking down and giving it all up. And then what? I'd lose the love of my life. I don't think anybody can fathom the depth of the feelings that I have for him. It's crazy, and even I think I'm crazy, but I've never held feelings for anyone before like I do for him. There's something far beyond my understanding, something almost extrasensory, something borne from the very deepest depths of my heart, that tells me that all this is right. Everything just fell into place for us to meet, and the circumstances were all just too right for it to just have been a coincidence.
They say falling in love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting that he/she won't ever use it. But when you love someone so deeply and intensely, in that tiny corner of your heart, there will always exist the fear that someday the other person will just walk away from you and leave you with nothing but your broken heart. I don't care about that person who said that it isn't true love if that insecurity exists- it must have been a guy who said that, because all women WILL always fear. They trust that it won't happen, they hope that it won't happen, they believe that like it won't happen. But that doesn't mean that they don't (in however tiny a bit) fear that someday it might happen, for whatever reasons. Maybe it's the same for men too, but I won't speak for them, because I'm not one.
No matter how many times he placates me, I always fear that one day, Jr will leave me. It doesn't matter what and how many times he says it, there still exists that part of me that fears that he'll give up on and walk away from us. I tell myself that it'll be his loss if that ever happens, but it's not so easy, it's not so simple. I love him too deeply to just brush him aside, to just forget about us.
If one day he REALLY does leave me, will I ever regret loving him? Will I ever regret us? The answer is NO, I won't. You can't regret something that you once wanted very much with all your heart. Of course I want everything to work out between us; after everything that we've been through together, I really hope and pray that it does. But this is life, and like everything (relationships or otherwise) in life, anything can happen. If things really don't work out between us, I won't ever regret doing all this, because for that once in my life, I fell in love with an amazing, wonderful guy who loved me back for who I am, who I can be real with, who's taught me so much about life and opened up my eyes to so many things. Jr changed me, he's the reason I've grown, matured, and am finally ready to be an adult.
Like that famous dog philosophy, "Chase what excites you, even if you don't always get it in the end".
Labels: love