ME
Do you really accept them for who they seem to be?
Or do you try to discover their other faces?
I've taken to blog/livejournal/xanga/whatchamacallits surfing recently, and I've to admit that I was stunned by what I discovered. The crazy clown I know morphed into a depressed, troubled soul online. That cheerful, happy-go-lucky persona so convincingly portrayed crumbled into a pile of tears, angst and hopelessness on the web page. And sometimes I am genuinely shocked that what I knew of a person wasn't who he/she is. And then I realised that if only I had looked a little harder, I could have been the signs.
The signs of a troubled soul.
As I look back on my interactions with these people, it surprised me how I could have been so blind. And foolish. That I failed to recognise depression when I saw it. That I failed to see how troubled that person was. Sure, the signs weren't glaringly obvious, but they were THERE. The once sunny smile became dimmer as the days went passed; the stoning and staring into empty spaces became more frequent; the bright eyes lost their sparkle.
All these shouldn't surprise me though. For much as I hate to admit it, I guess what stunned me most was the fact that they all sounded like me.
The happy face put on was to put others at ease. I didn't want to add to their troubles by giving them mine. And the only way to do so was to hide them. So I hid. Yet at the same time, I could feel myself sinking into despair as the troubles accumulated rather than receded. It was like sinking into quicksand. The more you fought it, the deeper you sank. It was horrible. Thankfully I'm past that now. But I don't know how to help these people. And I don't think they would want my help.
Online diaries have helped me understand a lot of people better I guess. After all, they are one of the better sources for understanding a person's true feelings. They were an outlet for venting one's frustrations and anger; to try to put into words one's emotions as aptly as one could, in all rawness and unabashedness.
Why do you think I'm such a kaypoh queen, always meddling with so many people's affairs? I have only one objective: to try to discover the many faces of a person. It intrigues me. I want to find out the "who" of a person, and not the "what", which can be so easily found.
Do I sound silly? Maybe I am. I guess that's one of my faces too.
I'm glad I can finally let you go. The emotional roller coaster ride you put me on has tire me. I want to stop now. Why don't I feel even a sense of remorse? Or unhappiness? Can it be because I never even really liked you in the first place?
My own heart stupifies me sometimes.
<♥>
Hello, my name is Mylene.
Screams
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Do you really take people based on what you can see?Do you really accept them for who they seem to be?
Or do you try to discover their other faces?
I've taken to blog/livejournal/xanga/whatchamacallits surfing recently, and I've to admit that I was stunned by what I discovered. The crazy clown I know morphed into a depressed, troubled soul online. That cheerful, happy-go-lucky persona so convincingly portrayed crumbled into a pile of tears, angst and hopelessness on the web page. And sometimes I am genuinely shocked that what I knew of a person wasn't who he/she is. And then I realised that if only I had looked a little harder, I could have been the signs.
The signs of a troubled soul.
As I look back on my interactions with these people, it surprised me how I could have been so blind. And foolish. That I failed to recognise depression when I saw it. That I failed to see how troubled that person was. Sure, the signs weren't glaringly obvious, but they were THERE. The once sunny smile became dimmer as the days went passed; the stoning and staring into empty spaces became more frequent; the bright eyes lost their sparkle.
All these shouldn't surprise me though. For much as I hate to admit it, I guess what stunned me most was the fact that they all sounded like me.
The happy face put on was to put others at ease. I didn't want to add to their troubles by giving them mine. And the only way to do so was to hide them. So I hid. Yet at the same time, I could feel myself sinking into despair as the troubles accumulated rather than receded. It was like sinking into quicksand. The more you fought it, the deeper you sank. It was horrible. Thankfully I'm past that now. But I don't know how to help these people. And I don't think they would want my help.
Online diaries have helped me understand a lot of people better I guess. After all, they are one of the better sources for understanding a person's true feelings. They were an outlet for venting one's frustrations and anger; to try to put into words one's emotions as aptly as one could, in all rawness and unabashedness.
Why do you think I'm such a kaypoh queen, always meddling with so many people's affairs? I have only one objective: to try to discover the many faces of a person. It intrigues me. I want to find out the "who" of a person, and not the "what", which can be so easily found.
Do I sound silly? Maybe I am. I guess that's one of my faces too.
I'm glad I can finally let you go. The emotional roller coaster ride you put me on has tire me. I want to stop now. Why don't I feel even a sense of remorse? Or unhappiness? Can it be because I never even really liked you in the first place?
My own heart stupifies me sometimes.