I am feeling so, so depressed right now. I know it's because I miss him so badly, and this is my letters week so I can expect a reply from him soon, but everyday that I wait for his letter, I feel more and more down, more and more lonely. The reality of our situation is hitting me harder than ever. Ever since his last letter I've been thinking alot about him, about US. I know that oftentimes, no good comes out of overthinking situations, but I can't help it. I trawl forums and blogs and talk to women in the same situation as me, for support and solace in the knowledge that I am not alone facing this right now. Our situation is not so bad already- he has a good shot at parole in a few months time, and then he'll be out. And in the worst-case scenario, he gets out in 2017. There are many women who are in love with a Lifer or someone on DR; I cannot imagine what they must be going through.

But as many times as I'm filled with happiness at the thought of us, I'm also consumed in equal proportions by the cold, harsh reality of our whole situation. How we met, how we're corresponding, how we developed feelings for each other, how our relationship is progressing- none of it conforms to the traditional relationship paradigm the society (and its people) that  I come from subscribe to. And when you are doing something as paradigm-altering as I am right now in a society that has comfortably settled into and hold steadfast to its traditional relationship notions, it is inevitable that people are going to judge, to criticize, to disapprove. And while I normally don't give two flying fucks about what other people think, the thing is that my parents are in fact part of these 'people' and I don't dare tell them anything about what I'm currently going through because I know what their reaction will be. And I can even understand where they're coming from.

I am so, so confused right now, my head is all messed up and I just can't wait for the coming mid-sems to be over. Fuck them, I just hope I pass, seriously. I cannot study straight now because of this whole thing, but I'll make sure I pass. I'm going to go to Manchester this coming weekend for a girly time with 2 JC friends, and I wanna use the time to clear my head and reorganise my thoughts on what to do. And if it weren't for the fact that I have Geraldine and Sarah here to talk to this about, I think I'll go insane, honestly.

Hello, I'm Mylene.

I love God, my family, my close friends, chocolate, Nutella, Nugatti, yam paste, Nonya kueh, baking, desserts, crunchy peanut butter, trying out new food places, books, travelling, airplane food, snail mail, vintage anything, medicine, wearing blood-red clothes, The Desiderata, stickers, hearts, making cards and origami, watching comedies, reading mystery/detective novels, playing mystery/detective games, mocha, yoghurt with fruits and muesli, dogs, quirky bags, soft & fluffy towels, pretty lingerie, Christmas, heels I cannot walk in, polka dots, smiles.

I try not to hate on anyone or anything because it's a waste of my time and energy. If I don't like it, I'll either try to change it or just ignore it.

I'm trying to live my life to the fullest, and be the best person that I can be.